You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
