1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
