Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
