So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Your penis caused this!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
