i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
