Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was confusing and full of hummus
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
