I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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