Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
