Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
