i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
worst night to have a conscience
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
