IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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