did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
