The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
