if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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