I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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