Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
