Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
