I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
