Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
