Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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