i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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