why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
