PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
