you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
