i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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