Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
