i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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