just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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