Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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