this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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