Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
