It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
