i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
