i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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