i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
