That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
