The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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