hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
