Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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