my vag is so smooth its legendary
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
