I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
