you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
