Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
