You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
