whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
