She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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