Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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