I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
