"it" just moved
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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