Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
