Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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